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Poking Holes in Your Logic: When Your Thinking Sounds Smart but Isn’t
You know how you can’t unsee something once it’s pointed out to you?
That’s what it’s like for me when it comes to cognitive distortions.
Cognitive distortions are common glitches in our thinking. Irrational, biased, or otherwise illogical thought processes. Mental traps that we easily and naturally fall into.
Given the last twenty years I’ve spent knee-deep in psychology, I can’t help but notice them.
She always does that. Nope. Always is a red flag.
What if…? Nope. What if is a worry.
I’m just… Just making an excuse.
They’re everywhere.
Decoding Defensiveness
I have a dear friend who shoots so straight with me I’ll call her Annie Oakley.
A fair amount of the time, Annie calls me out on using my “therapist voice,” saying “just be my friend.” This time, though, was different.
“I need Dr. Ashley today.”
“What’s going on?” I asked, immediately concerned.
As she filled me in on some unsettling relationship friction, I could immediately see where things went awry.
They had both noticed a little distance lately. He named it first, and she responded with (what she thought was) agreement and encouragement.
Instead, he heard criticism. He heard, “It’s your fault.”
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
“I’m not dealing with a hangry Ashley,” my friend said as he adamantly ushered me to breakfast on our first day of vacation.
He wasn’t wrong.
In all the years he’d known me, “I don’t do hunger well” was quite true. If I skipped breakfast, by 10 a.m., I’d be shaky, nauseated, and ready to punch someone in the throat.
But that was then.
Present Day Ashley just did a 3 day fast—Three. Full. Days. Without. Food—and barely blinked an eye.
How? And, more importantly, why?
A New Way to Set Boundaries
The beach is my happy place. Flour sand, clear blue water, waves big enough to push me around a bit. Is there anything better?
So, naturally, I live in Kansas City, about as far from the ocean as geographically possible.
(Cue slow blinking blank stare while questioning life decisions.)
Why Is My Happy Place Not So Happy?
Do You Have Bad Thoughts
I have a confession... and I hope you'll hear me out before you run screaming, appalled, and hit unsubscribe.
I had an intense urge to kick a dog.
Let me clear, I didn't do it, but I thought about it.
I am, admittedly, not a dog person. But I'm not a monster, either. I was in Puerto Viejo, a cute little beach town in Costa Rica where some dogs just sort of roam around. Maybe they're strays or maybe they have homes and are just off leash. I don't know. What I do know is that they bark at all hours. There I am, lying in bed, trying to get some sleep and unable to because of the incessant barking. I was super annoyed.
And in that moment, my mind did exactly what minds do.
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