How to Stop Procrastinating
Why We Procrastinate and What to Do Instead
NOTE: If you’d rather listen than read, get the audio here
I don’t want to write today. I mean, I do, but I don’t. You know?
My creativity has been really high lately, and I’ve got tons of ideas I’m excited about: two fiction books, 1 (or is it 3?) more non-fiction ones, and a slew of blog posts. There’s the one on mental modes, how your mind is like Justin Bieber… and a pit bull (not Pitbull, but now I’ve got Mr. Worldwide in my head), and the one I was actually planning to write today on how to stop feeling stuck.
And yet, here we are.
I blocked out time yesterday for writing.
I did technically write… a description of a new keynote speech I’m working on. I also did a bunch of other things. None of which were this.
That’s what I call productive procrastination. That’s when you do things that have been on your to do list and are worthwhile endeavors, as opposed to, say, checking email 19,000 times or escaping into an audiobook.
But it just isn’t the endeavor you intended to be doing.
That brings us to today. My plan was to work out per my usual schedule, catch a quick meeting, and have everything written, edited, uploaded, and tied up with a bow by 3:30, leaving me free for a catch-up call with a friend and whatever weekend festivities I want to get into.
It’s now after 4, and I’m finally writing.
About not writing.
So let’s talk about procrastination.
Why Do We Procrastinate?
I’ve encountered procrastination in so many forms over the years, both my own and my patients’. I’ve learned that it’s quite a complicated phenomenon. There is no one-size-fits-all. People procrastinate for all kinds of reasons and in all kinds of ways.
Ultimately, though, I think it boils down to wanting to avoid something that seems (emphasis on seems) hard, boring, or scary.
I say all the time that our minds are master excuse makers, and, because they want to keep us alive while conserving energy, they do their level best to talk us out of doing things that are hard because they take energy, boring because that takes a special kind of effort and energy to muster and maintain attention, or scary because scary = anxiety, which means danger, something bad could happen.
That bad thing could be failing, offending someone, making a mistake, getting judged (projection, much? Um, yes. These are the fears that drive my putting off writing. Ahem…)
The super annoying part when it comes to procrastination is that knowing doesn’t change it.
I am fully aware that I am procrastinating as I’m doing it. (Are you?)
I am fully aware that I will only feel better once I do the damn thing. (Same?)
In my particular case today, I even know that what my brain is actually craving at this moment, even as it resists it, is deep focus work. It’s like an overly tired toddler who fights sleep by getting hyperactive.
Go. To. Sleep, child.
Do. The. Work, brain.
It’s All About Avoidance
At the end of the day, procrastination is avoidance, and avoidance isn’t effective. It’s like scratching a mosquito bite to alleviate itching… only to beget more itching.
That’s what avoidance does a good chunk of the time, especially when we’re trying to avoid an internal experience.
And that’s really what we’re trying to do, isn’t it?
We don’t want to feel the effort of concentration. We don’t want to exert energy. We don’t want to confront the uncertainty of how it will turn out or be received. We don’t want to incur any risk.
We don’t want to be uncomfortable.
Even as I type this, there’s a part of me screaming: But you do hard things! Avoidance isn’t the answer! This isn’t you!
And yet, I am human.
As are you, dear friend, and that means we have human minds that do what they do.
In this case, they talk us into delaying the things that need to be done… and are going to get done eventually anyway. All that happens when we put it off is that we drag out the psychological ick.
They talk us into delaying the things that are actually good for us… and sometimes those don’t get done. Procrastination turns into a long con that costs us our health, relationships, or financial security.
They talk us into delaying the things that make life worth living. There may never be an ideal time to go on that trip, have a child, or start your own fruit stand (or whatever it is that you dream of doing “someday”).
How to Overcome Procrastination
If I can mind-read for a minute, I imagine you’re saying: All of this philosophizing is great, Dr. Ashley, but what do we actually do to stop procrastinating?
I think the first step is being honest about it.
Call it what it is. I am procrastinating. I am listening to the excuses my mind is giving me.
But get a little more real. Go a little deeper with the honesty. I’m doing some mental gymnastics to get on board with my mind’s agenda. That’s on me.
Don’t go too far, though, by jumping into places like: “I’m lazy. I’m a terrible person. Or this is just the way I am.” Those aren’t honesty. Those are useless. If you buy into them, you’re going to throw up your hands and keep right on procrastinating because they absolve you of responsibility and power.
So own your part: I’m letting my mind call the shots instead of doing what I need or want to do. I’m letting myself be bossed around.
Then get curious.
What are you actually trying to avoid? It’s not the task itself. It’s what the task brings up for you. Is it a feeling? A thought? A possibility? An unknown? Is it just discomfort in some way, shape, or form? (You betcha!)
Now, tap into your values and your ideal identity. What’s important to you? What kind of person do you want to be? What qualities do you want to embody?
(I want to be a writer. Well, you have to WRITE to be a writer!)
Then, 3…2…1… go. It’s not going to get easier. In fact, it’ll probably get harder the longer you put it off.
(The exception here is when you have something with an impending deadline. Yes, procrastinators are notoriously good at getting shit done by the deadline… in a hurried, near-meltdown frenzy. That’s because the deadline causes stress, which serves to focus your attention and provide energy and motivation. That’s just what stress does. There is absolutely nothing wrong with using deadlines to help you get stuff done. If you know that you work better that way, use them. Just don’t even plan to start working sooner than you actually need to. That feels smart. It’s the wasted time and energy procrastinating, the part when you’re telling yourself you should be working but aren’t and are feeling some kind of way about it that’s the issue. That’s unnecessary ick.)
It’s like jumping into a cold swimming pool. Waiting won’t make the water warmer. You have to get up your gumption and be willing to be uncomfortable. To take a step. To get going.
Even if it’s the tiniest, itty-bittiest baby step you can possibly take. Dip your toe in. It’s still a step.
And like moving a car that’s stalled out, it takes the most effort and energy to get it rolling. That’s the hardest part. Once you get started, inertia often takes over.
So set the bar so low, you essentially trip over it.
I started by just opening a Word doc.
Then I started typing the first thing that came to mind.
That turned into writing… and now I’m almost done (granted, things went in a completely different direction than I was planning, but we’re going to call that being flexible and take the victory lap on this one).
Start by lacing up your tennis shoes… now you’re walking… and you can go a lot farther than you think.
Start by putting one cup in the dishwasher… now you’re cleaning the sink… and now you want to finish the kitchen.
Shifting Your Mindset
I realize this may sound like I’m channeling Nike: Just do it. And I kind of am. But I’m also asking you to change some deep-down beliefs.
Adopt the mindset that it’s ok to be uncomfortable, maybe even, dare I say it, good.
Adopt the identity that you are someone who does hard things.
View a promise to yourself as equally important as, if not more so than, one you make to someone else. Then, be someone who is true to their word.
Internalize the notion that avoidance IS NOT THE ANSWER. Ever. Unless we’re talking about avoiding bodily harm.
The one exception to all of this (ok fine, I’m sure there are more exceptions but they’re not coming to mind at the moment) is when you notice that you’re procrastinating and you get curious… and you realize that you’re procrastinating on a task because it isn’t something you actually want to do.
And I don’t mean because it’s hard, boring, or scary.
But because it just actually isn’t important or doesn’t align with your values or goals.
When it’s more of a “should” than a real, true “I want to (at least on some level).”
In that case, maybe procrastinating is your signal to let the thing go, which might require you to have a tough conversation with yourself or someone else.
That’s ok. That’s what needs to be done. Just don’t procrastinate on it.
“A day can really slip by when you’re deliberately avoiding what you’re supposed to do.”
Are you ready to live a bolder, happier life?
Subscribe to The Way I See It monthly newsletter to get science-backed insights and inspiring stories delivered straight to your inbox.