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Why Are We Trying to Solve Sad?
If I’m being honest, it’s a point of pride when I say I practice what I preach. For the most part, it’s pretty easy. That’s not a brag. It’s just that I’ve been doing this kind of work for eons.
You can’t talk to people day in and day out about how our minds lie and distort things, about how anxiety doesn’t usually mean danger (just new or uncertain), and about how important it is to live your values despite whatever inside ick shows up, without internalizing those messages.
From Candy Connections to True Belonging: Why We’re Starving for Something Real
As a high school freshman, I had B lunch, which meant sitting through four classes before getting to eat. In my 4th period class, I sat in front of the hottest guy in my grade. You might be thinking, “Dr. Ashley, that’s awesome for you!” But back then, I was a pretty socially anxious teen, and I was mortified when he teased me about hearing my stomach growl.
Beneath my flaming cheeks and embarrassment, I vowed to eat a bigger breakfast the next day.
And I did.
You Are Not a Burden: Rethinking Independence
A few weeks ago, it was stupid cold in Kansas City. As I was getting ready to walk to the gym (I can’t drive because of a vision impairment), my dear friend, Barb, who lives around the corner called.
“I’m about to go run some errands. Is there anywhere you need to go?” she asked.
It was incredibly thoughtful of her to think of me and how hard it would be to walk to the grocery store during the upcoming “snowpocalypse.”
New Year, New Me: How to Stay Motivated and Actually Succeed
I wasn't trying to be hateful, but I really wasn't making any effort to check my judgmental thoughts at the door.
It happens every January. My regular classes at the gym get bombarded by all of the New Year, New Me folks determined to work on their fitness. It feels too cramped, and it changes the dynamics.
What’s the Meaning of This?
He posed two questions: "What struggle are you grateful for? How has it enriched your life?"
And it got me thinking... about struggle, gratitude, meaning-making, and Goldilocks.
Voting for Your Inner Peace: Staying Grounded Amid Political Tensions
“New favorite quote: ‘What you’re not changing you’re choosing.’”
That was the text my little brother, Joey, sent just as I was crawling into bed Thursday night.
It’s good, right? Kind of a no-pulling-punches-real-talk empowering sort of message.
Do You Trust Yourself…Really?
When you know that you are someone who can do hard things, then you know you can count on yourself to handle difficult feelings, difficult situations, and difficult people.
You can trust yourself.
And that, my friend, is powerful. Freeing. Confidence-boosting.
Your Mental Health Diet
Did you know that your mental health depends heavily on your diet?
And I’m not talking about food.
While I am deeply interested in nutrition and there is mounting evidence that what we eat impacts our mental and emotional health, we’re talking about a different kind of diet today.
Your Mental Health ScoreCard
Confession time. I was a dedicated Cosmo reader as a young adult (and YM before that). One of the regular features that I looked forward to most was the quiz. I realized, even then, that there was absolutely no validity to them. Still, it was fun and interesting to take the quiz to see how I measured up on whatever it was.
In a similar spirit, this week, I present to you the Mental Health Score Card, a completely invalid yet, hopefully, useful tool.
The items I've included are legit; they're based on current science and leading theories about what contributes to and detracts from mental health. The scores, however, are weighted based on my own (professional) opinion of what matters most.
Tally your points and see how you stack up. Then, challenge yourself to raise your score over the next week. Finally, do some individualized but real research and notice your actual experience. Did your mental health improve?
Modern Life Is Taking a Toll on Mental Health
One of the luxuries of my job as a practicing psychologist is that I get to hear the behind-the-scenes, real deal, inside scoop from so many people. That allows me to see how truly similar we are - our fears, our joys, our longings, and our needs. Every so often it seems that everyone is struggling with the same thing...at the same time.
This week was one of those times.
It seemed like every time I turned around, I was having a conversation with someone about how hard it is to juggle all of the competing demands, the sky-high stress that creates, and the toll it's taking on quality of life and wellbeing.
Truth told, I've felt the crunch this week, too. It seems like there just aren't enough hours in the day to do all of the things I want to do and, like so many others, I trimmed from the places that are actually supportive of my wellbeing.
That's a slippery slope.
Why I Hate Talking About Mental Health, from a Psychologist
It's that time of year again...Mental Health Awareness month.
As a practicing psychologist, I am quite literally in the business of mental health.
And yet, I hate it.
Not my job. I am fascinated by the brain, and I love helping others learn how their minds work and using that information to shift their life experiences.
I hate the term "mental health."
And don't get me started on "mental illness."
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