The Silence Spoke Volumes
7 Surprising Effects of a Silent Meditation Retreat
NOTE: If you’d rather listen than read, get the audio here.
I just had one of my top five best, most powerful, life-shifting new experiences! (If you’re new here, I take new experiences quite seriously. At least one a week… every week… for going on 10 years now.)
This one: Five stars. Would recommend. Will 100% be doing it again… and again.
What is it, you ask?
A five-day silent meditation retreat.
Yep. For real.
No phone. No tech. No books. No socializing. 55+ hours of meditating in various forms. And… it was amazing!
You’re Skeptical, Fine
I imagine you had one of two thoughts, followed by “What was it like?”
Thought 1: That sounds awful!
I get it. I opted out of an amazing trip to Costa Rica with my mom about a dozen years ago because the daily itinerary started with 6 a.m. meditation. Hard pass.
Of course, that was before I hopped on the bandwagon.
Even after embracing mindful meditation (the mental equivalent of going to the gym and the closest thing to a lasting happy pill that exists, by the way), my reaction to the idea of a silent retreat has historically been: “THAT IS MY NIGHTMARE!”
Horror shifted to intrigue after reading Dan Harris’s memoir (he was an ABC correspondent who found mindfulness after having a panic attack on live TV, eventually creating my favorite meditation app, Happier), and here we are.
Thought 2: You? Silent? No, really. YOU!?!? Not. A. Chance.
I am a talker. I readily talk to strangers and near constantly when I’m with friends and family. Hell, I talk for a living. Literally.
I’ve had more than one person tell me I don’t do silence well, and I’ve even said it myself.
Turns out, I do. I did five days… easily… and I would’ve gladly stayed longer!
I know. I was shocked, too.
But that’s not the only surprising outcome of this experience.
Surprise 1: Removing social interaction was relieving.
I’m very extraverted. I’m also visually impaired.
Before I was out of the disability closet, I worked really hard to hide my impairment and come across as “normal.” Doing so was quite stressful because the nature of my vision impairment makes it difficult to recognize faces.
I thought I’d moved past that, but apparently not.
I was surprised at the sense of freedom I felt with Noble Silence (the practice of not talking and avoiding eye contact and nonverbal interaction), like the unclenching of a psychological muscle I hadn’t realized I was tightening.
There’s research that shows that the vast majority of people think they’re self-aware… but only a small minority actually are. I thought I was in that minority, given what I do for a living.
I’ll take ice cream with my slice of humble pie, please.
Similarly…
Surprise 2: I became more intimately familiar with the architecture of my mind.
As a psychologist, I spend a lot of time thinking about thinking and reflecting on mental habits, processes, and patterns.
I thought I knew how my mind works, but I learned so much more about what goes on behind the mental scenes for me.
It’s the difference between knowing how the sausage is made and watching the sausage get made. You can’t unsee it. Fascinating and so very useful.
Surprise 3: Heightened sensory experiences.
Colors seemed brighter, smells richer, tastes enhanced, and I became acutely aware of every breath. I found myself enraptured by the details of nature, staring intently at a spider web sparkling in the sun, examining every detail of a burned tree, inhaling deeply the fragrance of the woods.
I almost cried one day because lunch was so delicious.
If you’ve dabbled in microdosing psilocybin, this headspace may sound familiar. If you haven’t, think of it like running around wearing a teenage boy’s glasses, covered in fingerprints and smudges. Then, your mom comes along, cleans them off, and you can suddenly see the world clearly.
Surprise 4: I am more attuned to my emotions.
As someone great at intellectualizing feelings (meaning I think them more so than feel them), I told a friend once, “You feel in neon. I feel in pastel.”
I thought it was a function of spending two decades working on my thinking. I don’t spiral much. I don’t self-criticize much. I tend to be pretty quick to accept things as they are. All the stuff I’ve taught patients and audiences over the years.
As the days passed, though, it felt like my emotions were sitting right at the surface. They got, not louder, but clearer, quick to make themselves known.
I’ve been more emotional, but not in a bad way. It’s more like being tuned in, more alive, more fully human, like going from the muted color TVs of the 80’s to today’s high def.
Paradoxically, there was also a deep sense of peace. As in completely unfazed by 7.5 hours at the airport thanks to flight delays, a crying baby in the row in front of me, and getting home at 2:30 a.m.
It’s not like I had to even actively cope. There just wasn’t any anger or irritation. Not a single ruffled feather.
(Update: this effect has faded, and my emotional space feels more familiar, but how cool was it?!)
Surprise 5. Creativity on fire!
Walking in silence has always unlocked creativity for me, but this was something else.
During the retreat, I came up with my next non-fiction book, 4 blog post ideas, and a brand-new keynote speech. (Unshakeable: Leading through Uncertainty. It’s about how our minds naturally react to uncertainty, what it drives us to do, even though it’s not actually helpful, and a framework for staying grounded and taking effective action. It’s going to be awesome! If you know an organization or event that would love this talk, shoot me a message.)
Surprise 6: Insights just arose.
With all of the mental noise settled, there was room for knowings to just pop into my consciousness. It wasn’t like thinking and problem-solving. Insights just showed up, unbidden, everything from a solution to a nagging interpersonal problem to a newfound revulsion to meat.
(That last one was a real surprise. I’ve been a heavy protein eater — as in burnt end burrito and a burger on my way to the retreat. I wasn’t debating a dietary change. I wasn’t even thinking about food. I just had a sudden moment of knowing: Nope. Meat isn’t for you. It’s hard to explain, but I think I’m now a pescatarian. No idea how long this will hold.)
Surprise 7: I healed parts I didn’t know needed healing.
It was like five years of therapy in five days. I’ll leave it at that.
There’s so much more, but this is a blog, not a novel.
All in all, it was a beautifully profound experience. I am deeply grateful for it and equally saddened by the idea that not everyone will get to have it.
If you’re curious or have questions, I’m an open book.
If You’re Curious about Mindful Meditation
Beyond my personal experiences with it, mountains of research show overwhelming benefits of a mindfulness practice, including better mental and physical health, decision-making, cognitive capacity, attentional control, emotion regulation, relationships, performance, and even slower aging!
But a lot of people don’t really get it.
For a long time, I didn’t either.
I was years into my career before I really learned what it is (and isn’t) and how to do it.
If you’re interested in dipping your toe in, this video briefly explains what it is.
There are lots of ways to meditate just like there are lots of ways to exercise. This video and this video explain two ways to do it.
And if you want to see what this whole mindfulness thing is about without doing any sort of meditation at all, brush your teeth with the wrong hand. You’ll instantly come off autopilot, and you’ll be fully focused on the present moment, I promise. That’s mindfulness.
Finally, if you want to bring mindfulness to your team or organization, message me. I’ve got a 3-week Mindfulness Without Meditation challenge you’ll love.
“The mind is definitely something that can be transformed, and meditation is a means to transform it.”
Are you ready to live a bolder, happier life?
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